In Goal Setting for Kids why your Feedback should be Realistc

Feedback that is supportive, positive and realistic is needed throughout the entire process of goal setting for our kids. Our kids need both external feedback (ie from us and others) and they also need to be able to give internal feedback to themselves.

External Feedback in Goal setting for Kids

Everyone, including children need feedback on their performance that is not only realistic but also given in a supportive and positive light. By giving good feedback in goal setting for our kids we can help to foster our child’s self confidence and ability to make good decisions and choices.

Feedback helps to confirm to our children that they have done a good job and that we are proud of the effort they have made. However when giving feedback we need to keep a few things in mind.

In goal setting for kids we need to keep our feedback realistic. By this I mean do not go over board with exaggerated greatness type feedback.

For example, do not tell your child their artwork is the next Picasso when it clearly is not. The rest of the world does not see your child in the same light and will be realistic with their feedback, they will not exaggerate and neither should you.

Now I know this may seem a little harsh, however remember that we are trying to prepare our kids for the real world not an imagery one.

Have you watched the reality shows that are looking for the next big singing star, like ex factor or the idol shows? When you see the audition stage of the show their always are contestants that are totally distraught at hearing that they are not good singers and have not made the cut.

For these poor kids their whole world comes crumbling down. Why? Because their expectations were over inflated and this was usually by over protective well meaning parents who exaggerated their praise and feedback to their kids.

No matter how much we love and believe in our kids, we are doing them a disservice if we give them completely wrong expectations.

I believe that everyone has special talents that they can foster and become incredible at. However to achieve this we need sensible, positive and supportive feedback. This way we can realistically assess what we are good at and what we are not so good at. And therefore pursue our true talents not imaginary ones.

This however doesn’t mean you can’t be positive and supportive of your child’s achievement. For example, in my previous article on making goals achievable I talked about how I broke down a puzzle for my son into manageable pieces. He was ecstatic when he completed the puzzle.

I told him that I was very proud of him for sticking to it and completing the puzzle. I also reinforced to him that this was his achievement, I had simply helped him to organize the puzzle into smaller pieces and that I had not put any pieces into the puzzle.

I was very proud of my son for completing the hard puzzle and openly shared my joy with him. My positive feedback helped to heighten his sense of achievement.

Internal Feedback in Goal Setting for Kids

In goal setting for kids it is also useful for our kids to learn to give themselves feedback on their results. Internal feedback is all about reflecting and learning from the whole experience.

There are a few easy ways for us to help our kids give themselves positive and realistic feedback.

Firstly we can model the correct behaviour for them when we give our external feedback. These articles on goal setting for kids help to show you some ways to effectively behaviour model for your kids. If you are not familiar with how modeling works check out my behaviour modeling article.

Another way to help our children to give themselves effective feedback is to discuss the results of the goal setting with our kids. Discuss how it felt, what they have learned and what they can do next time i.e. how it has helped them

Let them know its ok to feel proud of themselves. Remember to always put a positive spin on all your feedback. Even if you didn’t achieve the goal there is always something positive to take from the experience, so focus on that.

For example, what have you learnt that will help you next time you pursue a goal?

Goal setting for kids is similar to goal setting for ourselves. It involves trial and error until we find the correct way to achieve our goals. Therefore there really is no right or wrong result, it is entirely up to you and your kids the way you interrupt your results.

In goal setting for kids the main focus should not on the final results. Instead it should be on learning and growing in a fun and supportive atmosphere. So enjoy experimenting and finding the best ways to encourage and support your kids in goal setting.

To read more on goal setting for kids click on the links below