Communicating Tools: the Hidden Meaning of our WordsWords as one of our communicating tools have tremendous power when used well. They can make our hearts sore with love and fulfillment. Or they can cut us down in an instant making us feel worthless. Words account for roughly only 7% of all of the communicating tools that we use in our daily interaction with others yet when used well there impact is undeniable. So what is it about our words that can have such a dramatic effect on us? It is all to do with the meaning that we as a society or group have placed on these words. Communicating for Results, Words to avoidWhen communicating for results we need to understand the hidden meaning we as a society have placed on some of our words. Remember that although the following meaning are just as relevant for kids as it is for adults, kids are far more brutal in their interruptions. When communicating with children the hidden meaning behind these words tends to be magnified. Our children are still very egotistic in their outlook, (check out my article on child development) and only know how to take things personally. Children still are unable, or find it very difficult, to consider things from the third person’s perspective. Words to Avoid Why – why? Because it is a justifying word. That is when you use it the person answering the why question feels like they need to justify their response to you. It embodies the whole guilty till proven innocent concept that makes us immediately on guard and defensive. But, but is a negating word. Normally we use it in the middle of a sentence and for some reason it tends to negate what came before it. For example,
Adults when hearing this will ignore the “I love you” and focus solely on the “I don’t like it when you yell and scream.” Kids are even more brutal in reducing what they hear; they will only hear
This is not because they are not listening, it is because they are still very much ego centric in their outlook in life. Communicating with Children, Word to Use Often
You can probably guess the first one I Love you, Saying “I Love you” oftenand without conditions attached to it will give our kids the feeling of worthiness and acceptance of who they are. It also gives them a sense of security. We all need to know that we are loved and accepted for who we are. Our kids are no exception, in fact because they are smaller and more vulnerable they need to be told and reassured all the time. My sister has a beautiful little poem that she says to her kids each night before bed that I think really sums the I love you without conditions thing up for us parents. As far as communicating tools goes this one I think is great, it’s simple to remember and easy to use each night.
I loved you yesterday
Thank-you The other word is thank-you. Even if the other person knows that you are thankful for what they have done for you it is still important to acknowledge it. It conveys a sense of respect for the other person. Our kids, who are very much aware of their smaller status in this world, can benefit greatly from hearing these words. It makes them feel like they have achieved something, and that something was something good. Here is a quick list of the times when we should say thank- you to our kids. I am sure you can add a whole lot more to it!
In communicating with our children we can really improve on the results by choosing our words carefully. I hope you enjoy the results you can achieve by knowing the hidden meaning behind some of our words. Words are one of the communicating tools we need when developing our relationship with our children. To check out some of the other communicating tools click on some of my other articles below.
|
