Authoritative Parenting Style

For me authoritative parenting is the combining of the old styles of child rearing practices with the knowledge that we have today. It involves the parent maintaining control while at the same time giving the child plenty of love and respect. It allows for negotiating with the child instead of the older style of parenting where rules where dictated to the child.

The authoritative parent is happy to explain why rules are set. High standards are expected of the child but the child is given some freedom to develop his or her own way to achieve this. Independence is therefore encouraged.

Learning through consequences is seen as an important learning process for the child. Therefore, parents will enforce the penalty set for breaking rules. However, the authoritative parent does take into account the circumstances behind the rule breaking and will always explain their motives for setting these particular rules.

Throughout all of this a healthy responsive attitude towards the child is maintained. The child’s feelings and thoughts are respected. This is shown by the parents trying to always explain their reasons behind their rules and looking for a win-win result in all decision making.

How Authoritative Parenting works in My Family

One of the rules in our house is that our son must have his homework done before we have tea each night. However, he can choose at what time he wants to do it, either when he first gets home or after he has had a chance to have a play. Generally he will do it after a play outside with his football, but each night he will without being asked start his homework by 5pm. In fact he often comes to me and asks me to give him a yell at a particular time so he can come inside and do his homework.

My son is six years old (almost seven) so I find that by making the rules known but giving some small choices he responds well and goes about getting the job done without compliant.

So is giving choice the way to get our son to do his homework without fuss. No it's only one component, we have also explained to him why its so important in a way that is relevant to his own needs. That is, my son is obsessed with sport, especially ball sports so I told him that if he learned to read he could read football books, articles about footbal and he could read the scores (and teams) on the television. Game over - he now has a compelling reason to learn to read and to do his homework is the way to achieve this.

For me the most important part of authoritative parenting is knowing which rules are non-negotiable, which ones you can negotiate with and which ones are no longer needed. For example, my son at the ripe old age of 6 decided that after two weeks at school he no longer needed me to take him to school, he could walk the approximately 1 and half kilometers all by himself.

I loved the fact that he was confident enough with his school that he wanted to do this but there was not a hope that I was going to let him. So instead of saying no and that’s all there is to it, I compromised with him that I would no longer walk him to his class room (like all the other first year mums did), instead I would drop him at the front gate.

This worked well, it gave my son the independent “big boy” status that he was looking for and I still knew he was safe. I had won, my child was still safe and through negotiating he had won some independence. Finally I had to let go of the rules of protecting my defenseless little boy who always needs his mum to hold his hand.

And yes there was a tear or two watching him walk across the school crossing by himself with kids that now looked liked giants.

Research has shown that children of authoritative parents are more likely to be more socially apt, achieving better results at both school and in the work environment. They are more able to accept responsibility, are more confidence in expressing themselves and less likely to suffer from mental health issues.

On the other hand I have not come across any research that states that authoritative parenting has a negative effect on the child. From my experience, this style of parenting comes easily for those who where parented this way themselves. For the rest of us, it is a skill that we must learn. And as with any new skill it involves lots of practice to make it a habit. But the rewards are worth it, easier managed children and skills that you can use to help in all aspects of your life.

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